Thursday, January 3, 2013

The Hobbit Part 1: An Expected Travesty

Having seen all of Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings films, I wasn't expecting anything from his version of The Hobbit. In some sense, I was expecting much less, simply because the story has less immediate depth and could therefore be easily twisted into something far different from its original form. What I witnessed in the film exceeded my expectations, as in, "This is far worse than I was even expecting it to be."

I feel embarrassed offering a spoiler alert, but here it is: I'm going to ruin the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it by explaining the last couple minutes and why they're awful.

In Tolkien's novel, Bilbo Baggins and Thorin Oakenshield have a strained relationship, due mostly to Thorin's regal bearing. He doubts Bilbo's ability to burgle, and Bilbo in turn is a bit put off by Thorin's majesterial presence. One of the most beautiful moments in the book comes at the end, when, after having endured all manner of adventures and terror together, Thorin repents of having mistreated Bilbo and even confers on him the honor of companionship.

Peter Jackson has obviously never had a meaningful relationship in his life, and obviously knows nothing of the nature of repentence, and is obviously just as uncultured and morally suspect as all Australians accuse all Kiwis of being.

At the end of the first installment of The Hobbit (the fact that a 300-page book is going to take up nine hours of screentime is an abomination in itself), the eagles have just dropped off Thorin's group atop the edge of the Misty Mountains. Bilbo hasn't been able to prove himself much at all yet, and one of his exploits in the book (orchestrating the rescue of the dwarves from the trolls) has even largely been stripped from him in the movie. So, there's little if any reason for Thorin to have had his mind changed as to Bilbo's worth.

And yet, he says something grumpy to Bilbo, followed by a big grin, and a "you're okay, kid" kind of speech, and topped off with a bear-hug. First of all, the nature of dwarves: not only are dwarves not teddy bears, but Thorin least of all would be bear-hugging anybody. He's a loner, and he's a king, and he's a grumpy old man.

Far more importantly, the grandeur and pathos of Thorin's deathbed repentence is completely obliterated by this premature and shallow reconciliation. It doesn't even make sense by the rules of good filmmaking: if you're going to stretch a story out through three long movies, you want to leave as much unresolved as possible in order to keep folks interested. Sadly, most people seem to be convinced The Hobbit movies are great before they've even seen them.

I wasn't expecting a good movie, but what I actually got was nearly unwatchable (and this from the guy who embarked on a ten-year quest for the worst movie ever made). If you have any love for Tolkien's work, at least watch this film with a critical eye. And don't tell me you were able to "just watch it as a movie, and not as the book," because Peter Jackson must be held to the standard of the book because his movie has the same title as the book, and because he's making money not on his own name but on the name of a great writer whom he's slandered and misrepresented.

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