- Johnny Depp is celebrated as a great actor, apparently in virtue of his ability to look perpetually surprised at his own drunkenness.
- Mel Bay.
- Jurassic Park came out when you were young enough that you still remember it with nostalgic fondness.
- Tim Burton.
- Slow motion and 3-D.
- Every musical score is the product of equal parts Howard Shore, John Williams, and unbridled maudlin sentimentality.
- Films in which Shia LaBeouf manages to stutter and look confused become massive box-office successes; films in which he proves his acting abilities remain largely unknown.
- Films which are remakes of themselves (Johnny Mnemonic/The Matrix) don't even have the decency to cast a human being in the lead role. Granted, both films feature Keanu Reaves playing himself as a computer, but at least 2001 featured a computer who could act.
- Russell Crowe actually seems like a really good actor compared to most of his colleagues.
- Steven Spielberg is allowed to make historical dramas.
- Steven Spielberg is allowed to make films.
- Steven Spielberg.
- The Academy Awards.
- Books that are shorter than War and Peace are allowed to be made into more than one film.
- CGI.
- Tom Cruise.
- The original version of Sleuth is out of print; Saving Private Ryan exists in a collector's edition.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
A few good reasons to not like Hollywood.
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This is tremendous. I especially like number eight. I think number fourteen is too kind, however--it would be more accurate to say that books shorter than The Fellowship of the Ring are allowed to be made into three.
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious! Number one is perfect! Totally agree with number four. I don't know about number five. I want to hate 3D, but I watched Prometheus in it because it was the only movie Peter wanted to see and it was at the Cinnebarre and I NEVER turn down the Cinnebarre. It was actually really cool. I hated that I liked it so much. Number seven could have just said "Shia LaBeouf."
ReplyDeleteAdam--point well taken.
ReplyDeleteHeather--I was uncertain about number five myself, largely because whenever Quentin Tarantino or the Coens use slo-mo it's awesome, and because (as you say) every once in awhile there's a really sweet 3-D movie. But I think we can all agree both effects are grievously over used.
Also, in response to your critique of number seven: Holes and Lawless demonstrate the work of a true artist.